Security

Security is a great point. I love getting into other peoples heads, to an extent; gaining a new perspective can clarify what I have been thinking and give it more depth.

I have long since talked about finding my best friend and the love of my life, and I don't waiver on that and I am firm knowing it will happen. The dating process, on the other hand, seems to keep this at an odd unattainable enigma. I press forward, regardless.

I have been told I don't let my emotions move forward and that I have a bunch of hoops a man must jump through. I disagree, but I think it goes to the security thing Dainon brought up in his blog (I don't know how to do the fancy links, but I will have to learn sometime). I want to really get to know someone. I want the emotions to develop and not be pushed or forced. I want actions to support words, rather than falling for smoke and mirrors like I once did. In a nut shell, I guess I want to be secure enough with someone, who they are, my feelings for them, their feelings for me, and their ability to commit, give and take, forgive and all that necessary relationship survival stuff beyond the passion and chemistry before I can fully give my heart to another. Is that too much to ask? I would say no.

This secure foundation I am looking for, however, doesn't mean I am looking for perfection. I think there is a fine line, but in the end I have to do my part to find what I am looking for, like putting myself out there and risk getting hurt(a little side note on security, I think we have to be secure enough with ourselves to be able to put ourselves out there and risk getting hurt). Sometimes I think it takes all the heartbreak to learn what it is we should be looking for.

It won't work until it does, so perhaps until then, we have to live with that yuckie lack of security, in regards to relationships and the emptiness of not having someone to share your whole life with.